How to Know If You Really Want Your Goal: Why the Process Matters More Than the Outcome

If you want a particular result but hate the daily lifestyle required to achieve it, you may not actually want the goal. You may want the fantasy of the goal while resisting the process that creates it.

That distinction can save you years of frustration.

James Clear captured the idea succinctly: “It doesn’t make sense to continue wanting something if you’re not willing to do what it takes to get it.”

The uncomfortable part is that the work required to build the life you imagine is often far less glamorous than the life itself.

TLDR

A goal is inseparable from the behaviors required to achieve it.
Entrepreneurship, creative careers, and other independent paths often involve repetitive, solitary, and unglamorous work.
Progress comes from accumulating deliberate repetitions, not repeatedly imagining the finished result.
If you consistently reject the process, reconsider whether the goal itself is worth pursuing.
The sustainable alternative is to find a goal whose process you can tolerate, and ideally learn to enjoy.

Why do people want the outcome but reject the process?

People naturally focus on the visible reward while underestimating the repeated behaviors that produce it. The result is easy to imagine because it is emotionally attractive. The process is harder because it involves uncertainty, repetition, delayed rewards, and routine.

Consider the entrepreneurial fantasy.

You picture freedom.

You picture controlling your schedule.

You picture working from anywhere.

You picture financial independence.

Then the actual day arrives.

You are recording content alone in your car.

You are explaining your business to your parents for the 14th time.

Your friends are leaving work at 5 p.m. while you are still answering emails.

You are doing administrative work you never imagined when you decided to become an entrepreneur.

Someone asks why you are always so busy if you are not rich yet.

That gap between fantasy and reality is where many ambitions die.

Research on goal pursuit suggests that successful goal achievement depends heavily on the mechanisms connecting intentions to action. A meta-analysis of 94 independent tests found that forming specific “if-then” implementation intentions improved goal attainment, demonstrating that translating intentions into concrete behaviors can materially improve follow-through.

A goal is not just the destination you want. It is also the collection of behaviors you are willing to repeat.

This is why saying “I want to be successful” is almost meaningless without answering a second question:

What am I willing to do repeatedly when nobody is watching?

What does the process actually look like when you are building something?

The process usually contains far more repetition and rejection than the finished success story reveals.

I know this from my own career in comedy.

I would not be a corporate comedian today if I had not bombed hundreds of times in comedy clubs while figuring out what worked, what did not, and what needed to change.

I would not have a full calendar of gigs if I had not spent years reaching out to bookers and repeatedly hearing nothing back.

That is the part of the story that rarely makes the highlight reel.

People see the keynote.

They see the stage.

They see the packed calendar.

They do not see the thousands of small repetitions underneath it.

And that pattern extends far beyond comedy.

Writers write bad drafts.

Musicians practice scales.

Salespeople make calls that go nowhere.

Entrepreneurs hear “no.”

Content creators publish posts that nobody sees.

Athletes repeat movements long after the novelty disappears.

Researchers run experiments that fail.

That is not evidence that the process is broken.

That is the process.

Research on deliberate practice has repeatedly demonstrated that expertise develops through structured, effortful practice rather than simply through accumulated time. A landmark meta-analysis of deliberate practice found that practice explained approximately 12% of the variance in performance across the domains studied, while also showing that its contribution varied substantially by field.

The important lesson is not that practice guarantees success. It is that meaningful improvement requires engagement with the work itself.

Why does repetition matter more than motivation?

Repetition matters because ambitious outcomes are usually the accumulated result of many ordinary behaviors rather than a single breakthrough moment.

Motivation can get you started.

Systems help you continue.

James Clear’s work on habit formation emphasizes the role of cues, routines, rewards, and environmental design in making repeated behaviors more automatic. His broader framework is consistent with a substantial body of behavioral research showing that habits develop through repeated behavior in stable contexts.

Research published in the European Journal of Social Psychology followed participants as they formed new habits and found substantial variation in how long automaticity took to develop. The average was approximately 66 days, while individual results ranged much more widely.

That finding is useful because it challenges the expectation that a new behavior should feel natural immediately.

It usually does not.

The early stages can feel awkward, inefficient, and repetitive.

That is precisely why people abandon them.

You cannot outsource the repetitions that create the result you want.

The aspiring comedian still has to perform.

The aspiring entrepreneur still has to sell.

The aspiring writer still has to write.

The aspiring speaker still has to speak.

The aspiring creator still has to publish.

There is no version of the dream that eliminates the underlying reps.

How can you tell whether you actually want the goal?

Ask yourself whether you would still want the outcome if you had to accept the ordinary realities required to reach it.

That is a better test than asking whether you like the idea of success.

Suppose you want to become a successful creator.

Are you willing to make mediocre videos for six months?

Are you willing to learn editing?

Are you willing to post when nobody responds?

Are you willing to study what works?

Are you willing to make content that fails?

Are you willing to do it again?

If the answer is no, that does not mean you are lazy.

It may mean the goal is poorly matched to the life you actually want.

That can be liberating.

You are allowed to change the goal.

You are allowed to decide that entrepreneurship is not worth the trade-offs.

You are allowed to choose a stable job.

You are allowed to pursue comedy as a hobby instead of a career.

You are allowed to decide that you would rather have more evenings with your family than another business milestone.

The goal is not to convince yourself to tolerate any process indefinitely.

The goal is to choose consciously.

What happens when you fall in love with the process?

When people learn to value the process itself, setbacks become information rather than verdicts. The question changes from “Did I succeed?” to “What did this attempt teach me?”

That shift matters enormously.

If your only source of satisfaction is the outcome, every failed attempt is painful.

If you also value learning, practicing, experimenting, meeting people, improving, and becoming more capable, the same failure can become useful.

Research on intrinsic motivation has found that people are more likely to persist with activities when they experience them as interesting, satisfying, or personally meaningful rather than purely externally controlled.

This does not mean every part of the process needs to be enjoyable.

It means the process needs to be compatible with the person you want to become.

There will still be boring admin.

There will still be rejection.

There will still be awkward conversations.

There will still be days when you would rather do anything else.

But underneath the frustration should be a belief that the effort is worth it.

If you hate every part of the process, achieving the goal may simply give you a life you do not enjoy living.

Frequently Asked Questions

What does it mean to want the outcome but not the process?

It means you are attracted to the benefits associated with a goal but resist the daily behaviors required to achieve it. This can create a cycle of frustration because the desired outcome depends on actions you consistently avoid.

How do I know whether I really want a goal?

Ask yourself whether you are willing to accept the ordinary, repetitive, and difficult parts of pursuing it. If the required lifestyle consistently conflicts with your priorities, the goal may not be worth the trade-off.

Is motivation enough to achieve ambitious goals?

Usually not. Motivation fluctuates, while progress typically requires repeated behaviors, effective systems, feedback, and persistence over time.

How important is deliberate practice?

Deliberate practice is an important contributor to skill development, although research shows that its impact varies considerably across domains. Practice is one part of expertise development rather than a guarantee of exceptional performance.

Should I quit a goal if I dislike the process?

Not necessarily. Some valuable goals involve difficult or tedious periods. The more useful question is whether the overall process remains meaningful enough that the trade-offs are worth accepting.

Can I change the goal instead of changing myself?

Absolutely. Goals are choices, not obligations. Choosing a goal that better fits your desired lifestyle can be a sign of self-awareness rather than a lack of ambition.

What if the goal is not worth the lifestyle it requires?

This may be the most important question of all.

We spend enormous amounts of time asking:

“How do I get what I want?”

We should probably spend more time asking:

“Do I want the life required to get what I want?”

Because every outcome has a price.

Building a business might mean years of uncertainty.

Building a comedy career might mean bombing on stage hundreds of times.

Building an audience might mean publishing when nobody is paying attention.

Building wealth might mean delaying consumption.

Building expertise might mean being a beginner for longer than your ego would prefer.

You cannot want the result while permanently rejecting the repetitions that create it.

That is like wanting to be jacked while getting angry at dumbbells.

Eventually, you have two choices.

Fall in love with the process.

Or give yourself permission to let the desire go.

Either choice is better than spending years fantasizing about a destination while resenting every mile required to reach it.

Sources

Rory Gardiner |

Comedic Keynote Speaker, Event Emcee, TEDx Speaker & Award-Winning Comedian

Rory Gardiner is an award-winning comedian, TEDx speaker, and comedic keynote speaker who helps leaders and teams embrace change, build resilience, and thrive through uncertainty. Blending clean comedy, powerful storytelling, and practical strategies, Rory delivers unforgettable presentations that inspire audiences to take action while creating lasting impact.

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